A true human realization

                I’ve been wanting to write something worth someones time. I’ve wondered over the years what my purpose on this earth was. As a senior in high school I still have no idea who or what I am. I do have a lot of stress and people to deal with. But I realize that others have a worse life then me. From watchings Haiti deteriorate, Libya in a massive fued themselves and now Japan. All these people lost homes, family, friends and their hearts. From a disaster to an emotional break down, we cover them all. But the deep meanings are normally skipped or dismissed. Like a few guys in my Civics and Economics class, we watch the CNN Student News every morning. They are always so negative and are always saying, ” Why do we care they deserved it”.
*sigh*
                Are we suppose to feel nothing? Are we suppose to sit there and say stupid shit like that?
No we aren’t. I guess it’s because some were raised with money or raised poor or they haven’t felt a loss like this. I can some what understand it all, But how heartless. I can be a very emotional person and I can be a very harsh person. When lives are at stake then you just in and help. But how you were brought up can effect it, however; if you cannot think for yourself now, how will you ever survive in this world.
               I’m 17 years old. I live with my father who has recently divorced. My mother is mentally ill from a brain tumor (I’ll write a little bio about me next). My mother is my hero and my best friend. Losing my mother I think is my worst fear ever. When I lived with my mother and my grandfather I did whatever I wanted. I ran around with my little druggie friends, though I never did them, I shoplifted and got caught etc. I think the most traumatic part was when my grandfather would always touch my chest. As disturbing as it sounds, a lot of people have it tons worse. I never had a stable background.  I used that as an excuse when my dad made me move in with him. Mind you he was married to an evil women. She had some weird stomach shit etc. So I could never go and do anything my Frosh and Soph year. I cleaned the house more than once on sunday mornings. I was yelled at and treated like shit by her. If anything went wrong, It was my fault. I dealt with fighting with her while I tried to tell my father about it. In turn my father would yell at me for making everything up. *sigh*
I’ve been fighting with depression since I was 13 years old. It’s an off and on thing. I’ve made all my mistakes and a lot of good things. I’ve dealt with how emotional I can be. Where before I didn’t feel anything, I slowly become more aware of the pain I harbored. I’m writing this realization because I want people to know that what they say can really effect how someone is. How they deal with their life. Like when people say Gay or fag. I’ve been told it means stupid, think again kittens. My gay friend hung himself 2 years ago. His father would beat him with fists or a weapon of some type. He would throw him down the stairs throw stuff. Finally the reason why I chose to join my high schools Gay-Straight Alliance. My friend’s father would call him a Fag and say he was a waste of air and he wasn’t human and he should die.
                        ~R.I.P. Baker~
             You will forever remain missed and loved 😥
                         What I’m trying to say people is that the everyday insults, the petty fighting, the stupid shit that goes on and the natural disasters all have an effect of a lot of people. I’m sorry that you can’t see it, because it’s never happened to you. But now it’s time to step out of your little kid excuses and step up tp be a respectable adult. If there’s anything I hate more in this world is the people who can’t see whats in front of them. Who can’t walk in someone elses shoes because they don’t want to deal with it. The people who can’t see what a lot of young people go through to get through life. I’m truly sorry for anyone who in the past has felt lost and has suffered dearly. No one should ever go through it alone and yet, everything is so cruel and cut throat. I’m here to say your never alone. You can always fight for what you believe and how you feel, but in return I want you to think of someone who is less fortunate. Someone less becoming in life and try to make amends with people who have a less equal part in this life.
Thank you for reading this, if you have any recommendations please feel free to email me anytime, I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
Email: Serrine78@live.com
Thank you again!
*bows*
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